Manipulation or Frustration?

As I mentioned in a previous post, Jack has started a whole new phase of behavior involving tantrums.  At least I hope it's a phase.  I thought we were almost done with tantrums, but I suppose that shows my naivete as a parent.  It's become increasingly difficult to get him to do many of the things he used to do without some sort of meltdown.  Getting himself dressed in the morning has become a battle of wills of epic proportions.  Me vs. him.  I don't like to think of our relationship in this way, but lately it's been unavoidable.  Mark and I have had to rethink our entire discipline system.  Up until now, it's consisted mainly of time outs.  This has always been very effective with Jack.  We've never really needed to come up with something else until now. 

In many ways, I have always thought Jack used his behavior to manipulate us.  There has never been a day where he hasn't cried and clung to our leg when dropping him off at daycare.  In FOUR years.  By all accounts he's perfectly fine, happy and playing, by the time we reach the car.  The same was true when we put him in a gymnastics class.  If I was there, he wouldn't participate.  Instead, he begged for me not to leave and cried and hung onto my pants.  He did the same thing initially when we put him in swim lessons this summer.  It wasn't until we moved to a facility that required parents to sit in a different room, away from the pool, that he actually participated in class.  It appears that if you remove Mark and I from the situation, Jack does just fine.  So what is the purpose of all this behavior?  Is it for attention?  Is it for manipulation?  I just don't know.

In a search for my answer, I turned to my always reliable friend, Google.  I came across this blog post:  http://www.jennifermcgrail.com/2011/07/your-kids-are-communicating-with-you/
I suppose her view is that Jack has something to tell me.  I'm not sure what that is or how to find out.  Reading this did force me to think about my expectations for Jack.  I've always had expectations that were probably too high.  I expect him to act like a miniature adult and I don't usually give him leeway to behave like a kid.  I have to constantly remind myself that he's normal and that my job is to teach him.  For some reason, I expect him to already know things that are beyond his years.  I think I need to focus less on his behavior and more on  MY REACTION to his behavior.  The search for answers continues.